


The Hearts Fate Breaks

by singeramg



Series: Tumblr Prompts [7]
Category: British Actor RPF, Night Hunter (2018)
Genre: Child Loss, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Drama, Family Issues, Heavy Angst, Illegal Activities, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Kidnapping, Loss of Virginity, Smut, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:27:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26135755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singeramg/pseuds/singeramg
Summary: You and Walter and Marshall had a complicated history, that fate seems to want to tangle you up in again....
Relationships: Henry Cavill/Original Female Character(s), Henry Cavill/Reader, Henry Cavill/You, Walter Marshall (Night Hunter)/You
Series: Tumblr Prompts [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/55049
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. Part 1: The end is always closer than you think

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: This is my first attempt at Walter Marshall so if he seems to ooc, then let me know ( kindly please), Also there are gifs scattered through this piece and that is because that is how I am imagining him aging throughout the story. Sorry if seeing other Henry Characters throws you off too bad. If I get too many complaints about it I will take them out. Thanks for giving this a chance
> 
> ALSO PLEASE BE AWARE THERE ARE TRIGGERING EVENTS AND SENSITIVE TOPICS IN THIS STORY SO PLEASE MIND THE TAG.

****

**Part 1: The end is always closer than you think:**

This had been a long time coming. Fated is a word many would put to it. You’d spent so much time crying over this man, imagining what the reaction would be once you saw him again that you lost many nights of sleep. Nobody knew the hurt you felt when you realized that all of it had been a lie. That you meant nothing to him. A pawn in a lengthy game of chess all to catch someone else in his net.

You met Marshall back when you were both young, a 18 year old and a 20 something that was still trying to figure out the world. You a young idealistic type, determined to get away from a bad home life and he came in as the bad boy, riding his motorcycle, leathered up, a chip on his shoulder ready to prove to the world he was bad ass, but one look at you and he softened like a stick of butter.

_**Flashback:** _

> It had been a typical Friday night. It had been one of your first college parties at least as an actual student. It had been a night of being deemed the Freshman-Fresh Meat and it seemed everywhere you turned some frat was trying to paw you in some misplaced sense of entitlement. You rebuffed many and sent them away holding your drink in hand. You’d gotten bored as the roommate you’d came with didn’t have the same ideals of coming into the party together and leaving together as your phone just dinged with a ‘don’t wait up’ text message from her. You saw a few familiar faces from your Chem. Class, and after a few moments of small talk, you were ready to go back to your dorm, and would have done except, he walked through the door.

[Originally posted by universocavill](https://tmblr.co/ZXo3nb2S_Qwiy)

> He was the type of guy that made you pay attention to him with his tall stature and natural curls, clearly confident, despite having a baby face he was certainly older, and he somehow commanded attention and respect. It was definitely a turn on. Clearly, you weren’t the only one who noticed him as the sorority girls and other randoms from the party were conveniently finding themselves in his path. You found it interesting that he did it so smoothly, a wide smile and some sort of flirting behavior that got them to move and let him walk through the crowd. Some girlish part of you wanted him to notice you. You wanted him to see you above all the petty makeup and unclothed bodies. It was unlikely to happen so just as you tossed back the rest of the beer from your red solo cup, losing sight of the gorgeous man and settled for tossing the cup in the overflowing trash. You give a few halfhearted goodbyes as you head for the door but in a twist of fate, you trip over something random on the floor, well actually it was more like something was wet on the floor, but you lose even more chances of staying on your feet, by running into someone else who’d been dancing, he turns around pissed but the missing bad boy catches you in strong arms and defuses it rather quickly.

> _“Can’t let the prettiest girl in the room crack that face can I?”_

> His ego is evident in his words. It makes your eyes roll and you straighten up. Removing his hands from your hips, you dust off and step back, not letting yourself become intimidated by his height over you. You put on your armor of fake confidence when faced with an undetermined outcome of a situation. At your attempted step back he steps forward, not giving you a chance to avoid his cologne and damn him if he didn’t smell like fucking woods, and warmth and everything you liked. You ignore the errant thoughts of climbing him like a tree and push him back, but his grip only loosens, doesn’t actually release you.

> _“No but maybe she will crack yours if you don’t back up.”_

> He tosses his head back, loose curls falling away from his face, you bite a sigh at the jawline again.

> _“Awe is that how’d you repay a man just trying to help?”_

> He steps even closer but you don’t move back this time.

> _“Usually no, but for you I’d make an exception.”_

> _“Here I was thinking I’d get a thank you.”_

> _“And I was thinking I’d get personal space. Do you want me to pat you on your back, maybe a cookie?”_ You know you sound patronizing, but you don’t care. You weren’t ready to give up the ghost yet.

> _“ I’d settle for your name?”_

> You can’t deny the big blue eyes that were trying to form something substantial between the two of you.

> _“It’s Y/N.”_

> _“A beautiful name for the equally impressive woman in front of me.”_ He is laying it on kind of thicker than you normally go for, but you find yourself unable to turn him away.

> _“Shouldn’t you return the favor?”_

> _“ Marshall…Walker.”_

> He offers you and you say to him,

> _“ Now that we’ve got past the hard part, I must ask Is there a reason you are here? You know still in my face”_ noting that he was still holding you lightly, He dazzles a wide smile, sharp pointed canine teeth that screams he wants to make you his prey.

> _“Maybe I am just not ready to let you go.”_

> The cheesy line works and you let him take your hand to get another drink.

> And so it began…

**_*End Flashback_ **

He fell into the place as your protector, nobody ever dared to put their hands on you when he was around, nobody in your terrible family ever even let you see the dark side to what they did again. Mostly.

You weren’t stupid you knew they had been dealing and apart of gang activity for years, but honestly it kept you safe from a lot of outside forces, it just didn’t protect you from the inside.

You were in your 30s now. A decade and a half between the first time you met him and now, you’d made peace that you had done everything you could to escape the feeling of being utterly alone in the world. You were tired. You were tired of putting on a brave face, tired of setting your own standards so high that if by chance anyone could connect you to your family they’d know without a doubt that you managed to land a whole field away from the tree.

You’d had relationships since Marshall but despite everything you couldn’t find that connection in anyone else. The colors had faded with the hurt, leaving behind whispers of memories of time you’d never get back. The memories always hurt when they crashed into you. The late night walks along the creeks and bridges, the talks that lasted hours without trying, how he’d been so gentle in being your first, the way he held you in his arms every time the world got to be too much.

_***Begin Flashback #2*** _

> It was a warm summer night, thankfully a breeze came across that made the muggy night just bearable. Marshall had hit it off enough with your family that they had basically adopted him into the fold.

> Well everyone except your mother, but she didn’t truly like anyone so it was no surprise he shot thinly veiled insults at Marshall, and he took it like a champ for the sake of loving you.

> He worked for them, but maintained a job at the docks too, to help them. Having found time away from his job down at the docks to spend what he could with you made you feel above it all. He gave you those butterflies in your stomach, made you feel like you could accomplish anything. Despite him getting into the family business he was only doing that so that he could make enough money to take you away from this life. He’d listened when you explained how your family lived and how you tried so many times to get away but they always tracked you down and dragged you back. They barely wanted you to go to college but you’d let them know that if they wanted you quiet then letting you continue your education your way was the only option. You family had always teased you for wanting more but Marshall didn’t. He encouraged everyone of your dreams and pushed you even when you didn’t think it was possible. His duality was astounding for you to witness because he never let anything happen when you were with him, the epitome of strong, quiet, powerful type, a man of very few words, but you always knew he cared. He made sure you wanted for nothing. So when enough time had passed in your mind, you felt he was worthy of your ultimate prize.

> Not a decision to come to lightly but you decided that tonight you would give Marshall what many had been hoping to get from you as a means to controlling you or to say they had the untouchable Princess of the local mob family. So many had wanted for you to choose them but you knew it was meant to be Marshall.

> So here you were a warm borderline muggy summer night, spending time just outside the city in the field of a farm in Marshall’s old beat up pickup that he used for transportation, but now cleaned out and blanketed with old comforters and pillows, he’d gotten you away from the chaos of your world, somewhere no one could interfere and ruin it, and made you feel like it was just you and him.

[Originally posted by cavillvirus](https://tmblr.co/ZHvr1VYFi3ob8u00)

> His touches on your body were delicate as he hovered over you, small kisses and few drinks led to heavy petting and an understanding of what you wanted for yourself.

> Marshall was it.

> Strong hands slide up your heated flesh leaving goosebumps in their wake, folding into your hair, his body pressing yours into the bed of the pickup. Marshall kisses down your neck, peeling the fabric of your sundress off, his following yours, maybe not with the full grace of his hands because yours were shaking, but making eye contact once you lay before him assured you that this was the right choice. The right moment and when he grinds into you, making you hiss and buck into his hardness you pull him down by his curls and kiss him again. Letting him steal your breath away as he always managed to do as he pushes into you, only moments after making you climax on his tongue and fingers, beard burn forming from the stubble he was refusing to shave, from him tasting what you’d been so willingly open to giving him.

> _“Just breathe. Let me take care of you baby girl.”_

> You just hold on tightly to the back that has been putting on muscle steadily, as he kisses the side of your face, wiping tears off your skin with such a delicate touch, and eventually the pain gives way to pleasure. Holding his body against yours, thrusting into you, alternating passionate kisses on your swollen lips to your neck and chest, and letting his hands move all over you once he takes note of you calming down. He feels like he is almost too much, but he just keeps encouraging you. You are making pitiful noises but it just encourages his movement. He knows exactly what to say too as your body gives way to him.

> _“There’s my girl opening up for me. Taking me all in.”_

> He grinds for emphasis, pushing his thickness into you harder than he had been and then you moan in his ear again. Soon he is steady, but he is driving you mad, with pleasure. You mildly wondered what had taken so long to experience this, but you also know it wouldn’t be like this with anyone but him.

> _“M…Marshall yes.”_

> You feel your walls pulsing against the cock inside of you, trying to force the largeness out of forgein territory but he stays exactly where you need him, even stopping as he pushes you both toward a force stronger than both of yourselves.

> _“You feel so good…”_

> His words are like honey pouring over you slow…

_***End Flashback*** _

It had been more than what you expected. Past the feelings of just lust, he made you feel like nothing could go wrong in this world. The hatefulness of your world, your family felt like nothing in his arms. 

He made you feel like you could do anything.

That had been years ago and now you hated him for it.

You had worked so hard not to feel this weak again but one flash of his picture, years aged came across your TV screen as he received commendation from the mayor had been enough to set you on edge. You don’t know this Walter Marshall.

The longer hair and a thicker beard, he almost doesn’t look familiar, but his eyes. His eyes always gave him away to you. He’d never been able to lie to you with them and his smile.

Turned out those had been the biggest lie of them all.

You’d taken your fair share of losses over the years but you’d also gained. You’d gained a hard earned degree in social work, you’d gained a job that had taken you around the world on missions to save kids, you’d accomplished so much and yet it meant nothing because the feeling of loneliness still persisted. You just purchased a beautiful home far removed from the wasteland of empty feelings and space you grew up in but it had no life. It had no life because that life had been stolen from you so long ago.

So you go out to have a drink, maybe find a warm body to help you forget the way you felt, but somehow 1 drink turned into only one more but for some reason your head was spinning. You’d know this wasn’t you. You could handle your drinks, but by the time you could mention to anyone that it was sinister doings you were hogtied in some weirdo that had been at the bar basement. It was dark, and cold as you shivered against the concrete. The musk of wood and old damp space invaded your senses as the clothes tied around your mouth stole all the moisture from your mouth and you tried yelling to no avail. The basement door opens the weirdo comes down, his heavy weight no match for yours as he lifts you up from the floor, you kick, you scream, you fight, but he manages to drag you across the floor and down a hallway in that same basement that seems to go on forever, the end is a room. This room has a light but you wish it didn’t. The mattress is filthy and stained in various fluids that you don’t want to name. You mildly wonder if this is how you die.

How many had been in this exact same position as he handcuffs you to the gunmetal colored frame and it shakes barely holding onto your weight. You felt your face wet but you almost didn’t register that they were your tears until a raspy yet cold “my pets don’t cry. Unless I make them.”

You have to be shaking by now as the realization sets in that this was beyond simple murder, maybe beyond rape, he intended on torturing you until you thought death was the gift. You screw your eyes shut, memories of one of the other times you felt worse take over your brain and with no distractions as you normally have, you fall in head first to your own personal hell…

_**Begin Flashback 3** _

> It had been a year with Marshall. A full glorious year of just being with him and him protecting you from your family. He’d sat with you through various holidays, played nice with your brothers and father, while working his way up the ranks to where now he was one of the most trusted in the organization. You never questioned how he did it, only that he came home to you. You’d moved in together about two months ago, against the wishes of your mother who didn’t think much of her daughter. In fact she had it made up in her mind that you thought you were better than them, that you were hateful and spiteful when in reality all you wanted was freedom.

> You wanted the freedom to love and do what you wanted, not be judged by the legacy of blood your family left in its wake.

> You’d only wanted him and Marshall made sure you knew he felt the same. He had a cold streak that could frighten some of the deadliest men you knew. How one look could shut them down and if it didn’t get shut down he…took care of it. However you two were about to embark on a whole new journey.

> Parenthood.

> Not that he knew. You’d only just figured it out yourself with a handful of home pregnancy tests and then a blood test with your doctor. You loved your child already and he’d talked about a family with you but the time right now was all off, but you knew the kind of man he was would do what he could for you. It wouldn’t be easy but the motto had always been “together”. It didn’t make you any less scared to be a mom which is why despite your strained relationship with your own you went to her for advice.

> The house looked and felt just as it did growing up. A large home full of beautiful things but coldness. The lack of cars told you that the rest of your family wasn’t home, which was exactly what you didn’t want. If your father and brothers found out before Marshall, they wouldn’t care how much money he made them, they’d make his life a story of regret from the day he saved you from a face plant at the party. No you had to break the news, but you needed some advice. So you walk in, following the smell of white diamonds perfume your mother loves, up to the grand master bedroom. Taking off your shoes and the maid, takes your coat.

> You almost laughed as you walked into the hallways of the house. Before your family transitioned into major players of the drug scene, you remembered the simpler times of a small house, fenced in porch that your grandma would sit on drinking tea and reminiscing as she told you stories about her childhood. Your mom is actually caring about what you wanted and needed. It had been a simplistic time, blissfully unaware of what your father did, your brother just going into high school, and the care of your mother was probably the reason you were pacing outside her bedroom door now.

> You knock on one side of the white french doors and wait for an answer like you were taught to do, sweeping your feet across the soft carpet in small half circles.

> _“Come in Y/N.”_

> You smirk and open the door , following the light from her en-suite bathroom to where she was sitting at the vanity, putting the last touches on her full face of makeup.

> _“How did you know it was me momma?”_

> She laughs at you, a sharp smile on her face, framed by delicate laugh lines, still beautiful on the outside even if you knew how ruthless she could be with what she wanted. You hoped that the joy of a new grandchild would overshadow that you weren’t married to the father first. That he wasn’t some guy of high standing that she’d envisioned married you off to.

> _“You’ve been fidgety since you were a child, your brothers only knock if it’s an emergency AND your father was here, which considering what he has going on today home is the furthest thing from his mind. Honestly it never is even or normal days dear, but never the less I know you well enough that you aren’t here for just pleasantries.”_

> So you sigh and look down into her eyes, only because she was still sitting down, but you still felt like a child. Magically, it takes her only a minute and 17 seconds before her eyes widen and she looks at you.

> _“Oh my goodness ***Your full name Here*** you are pregnant.”_

> At her words you drop to your knees at her feet, much like a small child she lets you put your head in her lap as the relief of someone other than your doctor knowing about the life inside of you. She pats your head soothingly and you feel for the first time that she is on your side.

> _“It’s okay sweetheart. We will be okay, everything will be okay. We can make this go away. Nothing has to change.”_

> You look up at her this time, confusion filling your eyes and you shake your head.

> _“No… no that…that’s not…momma that’s not why I care here.”_

> She looks at you and scoffs, not caring as she stands up.

> _“Don’t be foolish Y/N. You are still a child yourself.”_

> You pull yourself to your feet, wiping the tears from your face. Ready to rebel against her thoughts of what you could be and what you were.

> _“I am not a child mother. I am 21.”_

> _“You are not ready for a child.”_

> _“Is anyone ever really?”_ You say with an off handed attitude that she clearly doesn’t appreciate. She steps around the chair to get closer to you.

> _“You most certainly are not. Besides what about all these lofty plans you made for yourself. You are the one who just HAD to go college. We spent all this money for you to go and you want to toss it away by having a child with nobody who can barely afford that hovel you live in much less a whole child.”_

> Angry she tossed a hand in the air in disbelief of her decision.

> _“We both do just fine…”_

> _“You do just fine because of us. He works for us. We allowed this to go on for as long as possible because he seemed to keep you out of trouble and more or less distracted. He promised us he would keep you safe, make sure you knew what it means to be with someone in this lifestyle as a true partner, so that when the time comes to let you go to someone worthy…”_

> _“You are lying! You will say anything to get me to do what you want. Marshall loves me and he will love this baby.”_

> “ _What did I just say child?! He cannot love you, because if he did he would know this would only hold you back. Your father and I have so much to show you, to give you the keys to be comfortable in such ways we never had growing up and you want to toss it away for a glorified errand boy!”_

> _“ So this is just about control. Just like you always do. You can’t stand to see me happy unless you are the one holding the puppet strings. Well you know what…I am done. All of this is done! Marshall and I raise this child and will be everything that you hoped we failed at. I promise you will never see this child if this is how you view us.”_

> You turn quickly, determined to get as far away from her as possible, tears in your eyes, you were determined not to let her see you cry anymore. She no longer deserved that part of you.

> _“Goodbye Mother.”_

> She says reverting the formal manners she’d paid through the nose for you to develop. She let you get a few down the steps before you hear her race after you.

> _“Wait! Y/n please wait!”_

> The pleading tone was new and unexpected for you. You hadn’t heard the tone used for anything other than in childhood when begging your father not to do something stupid. You had never heard her use it in reference to you. She sounded heartbroken and is why you stop. She runs behind you, a step above you as you turn with tears in her eyes.

> _“I am sorry, Y/N please don’t leave like this. I just worry for you. You are my only daughter and suddenly my little girl isn’t a little girl. I didn’t handle it well.”_

> You turn with a small smile and look at the soft look on her face. Once again not seen much since childhood, but it wasn’t forced.

> _“ No you didn’t but I guess we can give you a second chance to get it right.”_

> She wraps both arms around your shoulders and you both let her, touching her hands with a soft pat.

> _“So tell me, baby doll does anyone else know about this gift yet?”_

> You feel yourself beaming at her interest, the childhood nickname making you preen, excited that you would have guidance and maybe even get back the mother you’d been missing since you moved into this house.

> _“No. Actually not even Marshall, I came over hoping you’d give me some advice on how to tell him. I am so nervous.”_ You say walking slowly because you weren’t close enough to hold onto either side of the railing on the large stairs.

> _“Oh don’t worry sweetie, I think that will be the least of your worries…”_

> You turn to look at her but her smile is gone and a strong shove sends you careening down the rest of the steps, terror fills your veins and you panic, your life flashing before your eyes, things you did, things you never got to say. Only sounds of your screams echoing in the foyer. You hear your mother’s footsteps as your head spins as you land.

> She yells for help, but before anyone can come she leans down and says

> _“I did this for you.”_

> You feel the room spinning as you fight to keep consciousness so you could tell someone…anyone about what she did. Just as a maid turns a corner, the front door blasts open with a battering ram. Cops swarm in and you are surrounded, your mother taken to the floor along with unsuspecting maids.

> _**“Help me.”** _

> You manage to breathe out just as you give into the wall of blackness and let yourself fall asleep.

> Besides it was more comforting there than knowing your mother had just tried to kill you and your unborn child…

_***End flashback 3*** _

You lost everything that day. Your world shattered on the floor of that marbled foyer and somehow that fear was more than what you felt right now. You wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of seeing you cry again. Of breaking you down to that debased state again.

Turns out that wasn’t good enough for your captor. So he provided the physical pain that gave him the tears he wanted. He wanted to remind you that you had no one who actually gave a damn. Maybe death this way was better.

You could be with the one person who hadn’t left you by volition. You were once again facing that wall of unconsciousness but this time you were tired. Tired of life. The amount of energy it took for you to live was excruciating.

Without him.

Downright impossible.

You should know. You’d tried. So through your muffled whimpers as the weirdo finally decides he’s spilled enough of your blood and has reached where he can get it up enough to desecrate you.

He is climbing over you, the smell of hard liquor pouring from his pores and gross breath and he gets in your ear about how beautiful he thought you were as if that was supposed to endear you to him. You wake up just enough not to just lie there you start fighting back and he smacks you on an already swollen pain, but you fight even more. That bit of fight in you, won’t let this man break you. So you pull against the bindings and try to make it so he has no footing but he starts laughing more.

_“There’s the fight. You were getting boring dear. Now… now… now… you really got potential.”_

You pray for the ending as he grinds on you but another harsh sound comes as his weight disappears and in the red dim lighting of the room you hear and see the outline of a struggle. Two men fighting for domination of the other but you didn’t know who would win, though it seemed your rescuer had some height over your captor. A few well placed punches and a hard kick to the stomach and your result is standing to his feet, wiping his mouth and you guessed handcuffing the weirdo.

_“ Detective Marshall, Full breech, victim is alive, one suspect in custody, medical request for full evac on suspect and victims.”_

No.

The voice. Your obvious head injuries were playing a trick on you.

He fumbles around the dirty room and manages to find the light switch and it hurts you so your eyes slam shut and squeeze tight as a way to protect you and also so that your mind doesn’t have to reconcile the voice to the face.

One of many reasons you went out drinking alone in the first place.

He walks over to the bed and helps untie you and you whimper as the blood returns to your wrists and your eyes open to find Marshall sitting in front of you. He brushes blood from your face, and tilts your head up, finally making eye contact as you begin to get cloudy headed again because despite your conscious feelings about him, your body still knew it was safe.

 _“Y/N?”_ He sounds as if he’s seen a ghost, and honestly it probably was like a ghost.

_**“Marshall please don’t leave me.”** _

Your torso falls forward onto his and strong arms wrap around you and you finally sob yourself into unconsciousness….


	2. PART II: You can’t miss what you never had…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Walter meet up again after all these years...

**PART II: You can’t miss what you never had…**

**  
_*2 days later*_   
**

Turns out your abductor was a serial kidnapper, rapist, murder extraordinaire and you were just the last in a long list of women’s lives he’d found pleasure in ruining. It had been days of doctors, nurses and cops in and out your hospital room. All of them wanted statements and samples. You spoke the minimal and complied with the requests knowing you’d get out of there faster if you just went along with the program. You hadn’t seen Marshall since your rescue and you couldn’t tell if that was more of a burn or a relief, but you were going to go with the idea of relief. In fact you’d given up to the idea that Marshall was a fever dream, a balm for a broken mind, far to gone in the mental torture of your captor and looking for the last time she’d felt safe. You’d been kidding yourself if you’d said that was anyone but the last of times you saw him.

You’d spent days trapped inside a dreary hospital room with not much insight to the world other than what came over on the 50 channels of the hospital. Despite this being your hometown, friends were far and few in between, nobody trusted you anymore and your remaining family wanted nothing to do with you, so needless to say moving back had been mostly ego based.

A way to say you’d made it. You became everything, that everyone told you you couldn’t be.

Not to mention the one great aunt you had left, had all but demanded you come home for the money she left for you. The job offer to head up the county’s child protective services was just icing on a cake so you didn’t get bored with your money and you got to do what you loved.

Saving children and returning them to a childhood you were denied despite access and money.

You knew money didn’t fix everything.

You were a prime example of money not fixing when there is a hole in your heart…Your body still held aching and you knew your face had to look a complete mess from the fists it competed against and lost too. Needless to say your only visitors had been your predecessor who said to take all the time you needed before you took over and they would hold down the fort until you were ready.

Your body was beaten but the mind was still sharp.

You guessed.

That was until a shrink showed up to the room and asked you a few questions to make sure you’d been willing to stand trial against your attacker when the time came.

_‘I know this is hard but you are one of the only ones who can identify him and have been able to communicate.”_

You look at her, with her big doe eyes, and straight brunette hair. She wasn’t trying to be harsh, she actually cared but you were in the opposite right now. You were tired of carrying the load for everyone else.

_“Dr.”_

_“It’s Rachel. I never subscribed to the whole doctor thing…”_

_“Good to know. Rachel, you have the wrong person for this. I am not interested in being this star witness.”_

_“I heard you are the next head of the child protective services. You can’t tell me you don’t want justice for you and the countless other women.”_

_“No. I want peace.”_ You shrug, the paper hospital gown rustling in compliance to your movement.

_“Can you really achieve that without putting your attacker in jail?”_

_“I have never been the type to put my faith in people. Most importantly cops.”_

You say with a scoff with a quick look at her then start to pick at the disgusting tray of hospital food, careful not to use the fractured wrist you currently had. Rachel turns her head to the side complexed by your dismissive nature. It had been a while since she’d seen a victim so detached.

Suspects? yes, but not the victims and it perplexed her.

_“No cops? Is there a reason for that?”_

_“The last time I did I lost everything. Now Ms. Rachel, while this has been enlightening and fun. I am in need of pain meds and to see if I can get Uber eats to drop me off some real food.”_ You say in the cool demeanor you’d learned from your mother.

She stands to her feet, once again her eyes looking you over trying to put together the pieces but The dismissal was obvious and she couldn’t push you, that was training 101 in trying to get someone to corporate in cases like this. You knew the drill, so did she. So she pulls a card from her black leather folder and sits in front of you.

_“I can’t pretend to understand what you have gone through, but I can offer support for you. We may not know each other but with the position you are taking and with everything going on, I’d imagine we will be seeing a lot of each other. Off record if you want to talk I am here and on the record of you change your mind about testifying then please call, you might be best chance we have of locking up that monster away, besides I think Detective Marshall would be a little flummoxed to know he got a concussion, all for that bastard to walk.”_

She says with a small laugh but his name makes your stomach drop and roll. She immediately stops laughing when she sees the look on your face.

_“He was actually there?”_

_“Yes. Do you know Walter?”_ She asks you, the turn of events making her question even her sanity.

 _“No, have a good day Rachel.”_ It wasn’t a lie. You didn’t know Walter Marshall, You had known Marshall Walker, a military brat with no family, and looking for a fresh start. Detective Walter Marshall was a nobody jackass who had gotten what he wanted and left you high and dry.

You look away, preferring the view of the trees outside. She leaves and you feel the heartbreak front and center again, tears welling up despite your best efforts. Another night in the hospital finds you still crying for memories you buried…

Rachel however had never been dumb, naïve maybe at times, but she knew deflection when she saw it. She knew when the truth was being held out of her reach and that interaction with you had been a game of chess disguised as normal conversation. She felt for you, and knew there was more to the story however upon returning to the station she takes it a step further. One quick search of your name and records has her stomping into the office of one Walter Marshall who was going through emotions of his own, seeing you again after all these years. How once again you looked broken in a hospital bed and he’d been too late to protect you, just like he had been all those years ago. Around here he was just a hard ass with not much personality beyond a grunt if you weren’t his daughter or Rachel (which even she had bugged past his defensive nature before he had time to stop her). He had always been the time to get the job done, that didn’t mean he didn’t regret the tough calls. That he didn’t think about how different life could have been if he hadn’t put blue before everything else.

So when Rachel finds him staring down his badge and questioning everything she almost looked perplexed but she was also still pissed.

_“Did you forget to mention a small detail about our Vic, Marshall?”_

_“Who?”_

He plays dumb but at her icy glare he knows it won’t work.

_“Marshall do not play with me. The one that had you pacing outside her hospital room until she came out of surgery, the one you are fighting excessive force charges off for because the perp had to be hospitalized once you realized who she was and jumped on him again. What the fuck Marshall, how could not mention you knew her?”_

For the first time in a long time Rachel sees the hard born man fold, running his hand down his face. He just looks tired and defeated.

_“ Because…”_

It hits Rachel like a gunshot.

_“Oh my god Marshall. You didn’t…”_

She falls into the chair in front of his desk.

_***The next day*** _

The doctors had just left, thankfully everything seemed to be healing and if your bloodwork came back stable, you’d be released to recover at home. It’s one of the few things that made you smile since you landed in this godforsaken town. You’d gotten a hold of your emotions since last night, and managed to swallow back down all those lost feelings and rebury them. You morbidly consider a funeral for your emotions as you planned on never having them again. At least for any one that wasn’t a minor.

You were considering molding your persona after one Wednesday Adams so that you could get as far as you could without connections, tearing down society’s expectations with a wicked sarcasm and mean streak, that idea was shot by the knock on your hospital room door. You were actually standing up, looking down out the window, watching cars go by as people lived their lives so you didn’t turn around, only telling them to come on in because you knew it was just another nasty lunch tray. You dismissively say

_“You can just sit it down on the table. Thank you.”_

You don’t hear the tell-tell clink of the plastic tray on the table, but glass on the counter, then the closing of your door again, but this time you weren’t alone in the room. The presence makes you freeze, and turn around slowly.

For the first time in years you find yourself face to face with Walter Marshall the man you never knew. You both stare for a while, for you it’s difficult to put into words the moment you’d been dreading for years to come to the surface. He didn’t know what to say to start so he stayed silent. You cannot manage to stare at him for long, the thought of violence is too high and it would only give him satisfaction.

He doesn’t deserve that.

Not from you.

So you turn around to face the window again, focusing on watching a family walk down the street, a little girl, happy to be swinging in between her parents as she possibly is being walked home from school. It’s probably the most soothing thing you’ve seen in a week. You can’t make out details other than her jacket and book bag are bubblegum pink, and small. Finally the silence annoys you enough to speak up, you don’t turn yet.

_“This is going to sound cliché, but I am sure this came up before. When I was younger, you know I was a big fan of the Disney princess theme. You know whatever I could get my hands on I begged my mom for. At the time we didn’t have a bunch but she made due. She would happily cut on one of my VHS tapes and let me just go in on watching it as fast as they could rewind. It was an obsession of sorts, you how kids are. They latch onto things as a way to explore the possibilities or reality. My biggest problem with that is I never let that go. I had this idea that I would grow up to be just like Aurora, Ariel, or Belle. The idea that reality could be shifted on its axis from one chance meeting, one kiss, my life could be different. Then I got older and even when the lessons got harder for me to learn, I held a childish hope that I would find that knight in shining armor or underneath the beasts of the world would be a man that cared and loved me. That I would be the prize, that he’s waiting for because the life I was living couldn’t be it for me. Right? I made myself put up a wall the longer it took, because I’d taken more to the tradition of Mulan that I needed to fight for what I wanted. So I shut it off, focusing on pulling myself down from the ivory tower. I never once thought it was convenient that the knight was waiting at the bottom waiting to be everything I needed.”_

You finally turn to look at the familiar blues staring back at you….

**_Begin Flashback #4_ **

****

> The courtroom was such a cold place. Dark wood everywhere, devoid of many colors other than black, and navy, muted colors someone decided long ago that meant seriousness. You’d never felt more alone than you did in that moment. Dressed in a dark two piece business skirt, blazer combo and white collared top, you tried not to close your eyes as your heels dragged you into the witness stand. The bailiff comes out standing next to you with your book of choice to swear upon. Your gut was twisted when you promised to not perjure yourself in the court of law, because that was exactly what you were about to do. You find the courage to finally look up, the enraged eyes of your mother, the dark circles under them not what you were used to seeing as she sat dressed just as sharp as she normally did and brothers just as cold and formal, not mention those of the family that weren’t on trial at the moment, all staring at you as if collective willpower would be enough to kill you. You take a seat choosing to focus on the D.A as he saunters to the stand, his suit clearly not a bargain brand as he made the case of his career.
> 
> Because getting your family to sit trial was the biggest thing this town had seen in decades. You’d foolishly held out hope you’d see him in the courtroom, that he would at least support you in this since it had been him that put you here.
> 
> He didn’t come.
> 
> _“So Ms. Y/L/N just to clarify for the courts and jury today what is your relationship to the defendants?”_
> 
> _“She is my biological mother and they are my biological brothers.”_
> 
> _“Have you always lived with them and been present to go on in the home?”_
> 
> _“Not always cognitively awarded as by design. I was the youngest child and only girl. I was purposely not informed of everything that happened, but I was not as shadowed as they’d hoped.”_
> 
> _“Meaning?”_
> 
> _“I knew the critical pieces, just not details in the day to day.”_
> 
> _“ Were you aware of your father’s status as the biggest distributor of methamphetamines, cannabis, other illegal drugs and firearms to the eastern seaboard?”_
> 
> Your family’s lawyer jumps up, a bald man in an expensive suit and sweating too much for his job.
> 
> _“Objection! Your honor, that is hearsay, the person in which the D.A is referring to is deceased and has not been proven guilty in court of law of such claims, thereby causing bias.”_
> 
> _“Let me rephrase your honor.”_
> 
> _“Please do so.”_ The judge, a woman of hard demeanor does not take kindly to the objection in the first place, but she must abide, while you try not to fidget in your seat at the mention of your father. You couldn’t think about that if you needed to pull this off properly.
> 
> _“ Ms. Y/L/N were you at anytime aware of the possibility of illegal activities occurring in your home or otherwise of the defendants or the late Mr. Y/L/N?”_
> 
> _“Yes.”_
> 
> _“ Have you ever participated in these activities whether willingly or under duress?”_
> 
> _“No. That was never my place. I was meant to elevate status and never run any business. I was never free to be my own person.”_
> 
> _“ Which is why when Officer Walter Marshall came around you took a chance?”_
> 
> _“He was my only way out. I was tired of being a pawn, tired of watching my family destroy other families. I wanted the possibility of my own someday away from them so when…_ (struggle with the concept of his real name being Walter) _Marshall came to me and explained what he was doing. I helped take them down.”_
> 
> _“Please elaborate for the court what you mean why ‘take them down’.”_
> 
> You look at your hands, the French manicure still holding on strong even after you had them on for days. You knew that after your words there was no going back.
> 
> _“I helped him in gathering evidence for the take down of their cooperation, made sure he was a trusted member of their team, I fed him whatever information I could until his information and access outweighed my own. By proxy I set the stage for their arrest, and also the subsequent and unfortunate death of my father.”_
> 
> The words leave your lips and you want to stuff them back in, you want to make all of this go away as you hear angry grumbles from your family, with each of them finally having heard what they came to hear. That ultimately it had been your father had been killed at the raid on the largest deal of his career.
> 
> That this was all your fault.
> 
> That you were responsible for the destruction of everything your family worked for and the death of the man that supported it all.
> 
> How could you?
> 
> That was what was so hard.
> 
> You didn’t actually do it but you had no choice but to say you did…

**End Flashback**

_“Is there a reason why you are here?”_ Your voice is flat and even despite the waves of emotions flowing through you at the moment. So much confusion for such a short time in his presence.

He steps closer but you don’t turn around to face him again.

_“ Y/N…I came to check in with you? Check on how you were holding up in the big sterile box here.”_

He shoots for a joke, but it falls flat in the face of everything.

_“Better than being in a prison cell.”_

You can hear him instantly intake breath as if he was prepared for the response and that was exactly what you wanted. He deserved to be off kilter for once, to feel as if his world is on tilt with every word you say.

_“Better than a prison cell. I guess we start there. I should have known you were never the type for beating around the bush. Don’t you at least want to sit first?”_

_“Why? You won’t be here long anyhow.”_

_“You think so?”_ His eyebrow raises, but you don’t falter in your stance.

_“I know so.”_

You finally turn around again and you watch his face fall when confronted with the coolness of yours. You don’t sit back in the hospital bed, opting for the only open chair in the room which forces him to stand, he chooses to lean against the sink in the room, crossing his hands across his broad chest, his dark blue sweater looking warm and inviting.

_“The doctors tell me you get to leave soon. Are you going to be okay at home? Do you have someone to help you out?”_

_“That’s a great question. Let’s see I move back to the one town I promised I never come back to after the death of the only relative who gave a fuck about me and everyone else wants fuck all to do with me. You do the math detective.”_

_“I can arrange for you a few more days here just until you get more mobility back…”_

_“You’ve done enough. If that’s all you know how the door works…”_

_“That’s not all Y/n and you know it.”_

He is clearly tired of the flippant attitude and you recognize the pointed stair even buried behind curls and muscles.

_“Okay. I’ll bite. I’ll give you five minutes and in the five minutes you can explain to me why you felt the need to come here.”_

_“Why wouldn’t I y/n, despite how we ended I promised you a long time ago I’d be here and I meant it.”_

_“So is that why I am just now seeing you here?”_

_“I wanted you to rest mentally before I came here._ ”

“ _Bullshit. You are because the shrink told you I was despondent and uncooperative and sent you in here hoping I’d crack at the pressure of seeing a familiar face. Maybe even find some affinity for the man who saved my life. But tell me this… does she know exactly how you ruined it.”_

His temper flares.

_“That’s not fair. I didn’t ruin your life, I gave you the only chance I could.”_

_“But lying to me subsequently taking away my choice then forcing me to go along with it.”_

_“Y/n don’t play innocent with me. I did what I did to save you.”_

Your rage boils to the surface and everything hits you in a way you hadn’t fully accepted since the day you boarded a plane across the country to never look back.

_“Fuck you Marshall. You played me, you fucked me literally and figuratively and when the time comes you threw me underneath the bus to make your damn case!”_

_“I had no choice. What about that don’t you understand. If you had stuck around and talked instead of running off like a child I could have explained everything the right way…”_

_“Marshall, there is no right way or time to tell someone that you were an undercover cop. There was no way to tell me that everything was all a set up to take my family down. You used me front he beginning to get to them, took everything you could get your hands on in my life and played with it to meet the endgame. Then forced me to take the fall for your dirty work. I lost EVERYTHING because of you. Everyone I ever loved or could have loved was snatched because I had to get on that stand and say I set my family up for the takedown. That I basically signed my father’s death certificate myself. So once again fuck you. Fuck what you thought I should have done. Leaving was my only option.”_

It spills from you like red lava, over a green field, anger burning everything in its path, A farce for those that didn’t know it was a volcano of pain and disillusionment, and you were dead set on destroying whatever peace he made with himself for this.

He didn’t deserve peace, especially when you had none. What made it worse was that you’d had no one else to help you, both sides had betrayed you. Why should he get a free conscious pass for coming to visit you?

You’d kept it bottled inside for too long. Apparently seething for this moment and you had no control anymore as rage tears stain your cheeks and you fight back bared teeth.

_“I would have protected you. I had that all set up, nobody in your family or otherwise could get to you…”_

You cut him off again.

_“ It was not just them that I needed to be protected from you asshole.”_

_“Enough with the name calling Y/N.”_

_“Is that a command officer asshole?”_

He pushes from the counter this time steps closer to the chair you couldn’t get out of you keep picking.

_“What can’t take it? To know that I am the one person in the world who doesn’t think the sun rises and sets on your Levi’s?”_

That makes him chuckle.

_“You ask any of my coworkers and they would probably agree with the asshole part.”_

_“I bet they would if they knew you fucked your ‘informant’.”_

_“You and I both know we were more than that.”_

He says and it feels like the first honest word he’s spoken since he walked through your hospital room.

_“Were we? Because if I dare to claim you might have actually caught feelings for me. I call bullshit.”_

_**“Would it have been so hard to believe I could have been in love with you Y/n?”** _


	3. Speaking in Transparency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That needed conversation....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: Sad enough this is the end but this was a slightly different turn for me and I enjoyed taking this on. Walter was new for me and maybe I will visit writing him again. 
> 
> This is part 3 so you will be lost if you don’t read the other parts first. Thank You for supporting this, and I truly appreciate the feed back.

PART 3: Speaking in Transparency

You know it looks comical the way your eyes get big and how he looks like he’s relieved to finally say that to you. You would think it would shut one up, but there was too much hurt behind your eyes, the wall wouldn’t let you hear it, only feel what you’d been hiding behind it.

_“Yes. It could be that hard to believe Marshall. You lied to me about everything, then when the time came you sat back and watched me paraded as the surprise witness. I never had any clue who you were until the police questioned me and told me that my plea deal was to walk under the guise that I flipped on my family. That I testify against them and speak about how I’d helped you.”_

Walter seems even closer and you want to bolt, but even if you could he was so massive he stole the space from the room. He still doesn’t move to touch you, in fact he sits on the hospital bed and it’s plastic and metal frame groans under his weight.

_“That was the only way to keep you safe from the persecution. There was no saving that family Y/n.”_

_“My family? There was no saving my family? You still made me accountable to everyone else. You knew that by saying I knew who you were was going to put a target on my head. Once again I lost everyone.”_

He looks frustrated with you but it’s ultimately with himself because he knew he didn’t explain himself properly and honestly he’d never been given a change to do that.

You were gone too quickly.

_“That wasn’t the plan originally. You were never supposed to be in with the sweep at the house. You got implicated because your mother was in charge of receiving the wire transfer and multiple other things all taken care of within. She was much more involved than she ever let on and once we realized that, we had to take the house too at the same time we took your father so we could get everyone. I am so sorry you got mixed up and even worse that you got hurt. They wouldn’t let me visit you at the hospital because of the case. In fact we could have blown the whole thing if…”_

_“Did they ever tell you why or how I ended up in the hospital that day?”_

_“Others told me that you were startled by the raid and fell down the stairs, by the time I saw you at the trial you were fine.”_

Your proceeding laugh is cold and he hates how much you sound like your mother when you do it.

_“Fine is figurative at this point. I’ll tell you what Walter this has been fun. Loads actually, but you unfortunately have overstayed your welcome. I need you to leave.”_

_“We are not done here.”_

_“Oh yes we are. You need to leave now before I have you escorted out.”_

He looks hurt but starts to move to the door.

_“You once told me you wanted be nothing like your mother but now I see no difference”_

His words coupled with the tone shatters whatever wall you put up and you look at him with so much ire that he should have been on fire where he stood, but instead you watch the muscles in his back ripple as he unfolds from himself.

_“Maybe I am! If you had given a damn about who you fucked over you would know exactly why I ended up like that. I have sacrificed enough to find someone else to do your dirty work. I’ve done enough. Now get out.”_

You say with anger and he leaves your hospital room with a defeated look on his face. His own mind reconciling how you’d changed so much matches with the odd duality of still having the same fire he’d known was in you.

He packs his pride and drives off, and while he goes back to the station to rage at another case, you check yourself out of the hospital AMA, and with enough medication to put you to sleep for the rest of the night…

**The Next Morning….**

It finds you sore and resigned. Despite the medication it had been a night of tossing and turning, plagued with thoughts of nightmares and regret. It made you frustrated because the reality of the situation hit you.

You had to help.

So you dress in a soft cornflower blue pullover cardigan, white top and blue jeans, and catch another cab over to the police station. At this time of the morning it’s pretty much stagnant, the smell of old coffee permeating in the air, will low conversations add to a large buzz of noise. It doesn’t intimidate you, because you spent an endless amount of time there, it was the nerves of possibly running into Walter that had you shaking, despite the outwardly calm demeanor. The officer at the front desk doesn’t seem to have any disposition other than a frown as he makes you take a seat, and goes to find him you’ve asked for. In no time Rachel comes around the corner, soft, worried eyes look you over.

_“Ms. L/N shouldn’t you still be at the hospital?”_

_“I don’t like hospitals. Every experience has been a pain in my ass especially when I am the patient, but can I talk to you for just a moment alone?”_

_“Of course.”_

She guides you down the hall to a small little office, devoid of most personal items signifying her lack of connection either to her job or to people, neither of which you wanted to delve into with your own psychological background. She offers some coffee which compared to the luxuries of the world tastes terrible but who were you truly without a cup, and considering you’d run out the door with the determination to get this over with you’d skipped the morning relief and now a caffeine headache was forming so you accepted the terrible cup.

_“If you plan to get someone to confess over a cup of coffee you may wanna try another route.”_

You joke mildly, the brief smile not reaching your eyes, but enough to let Rachel know the visit was from a place of friendship or kinship whatever…

_“In the interest of sounding impertinent, What brings you in to see me? After I left the hospital yesterday I was under the impression I would not hear from you unless it pertained to work?”_

_“Well one restless night of sleep later and here you have a woman who at the end of day would be a hypocrite if she didn’t help. Rachel, this is the last thing I expected when I moved back here. I had enough trauma attached to this place, but then this maniac made a goddamn victim out of me and here I am realizing how can I look at children and those that need my help on the face everyday and promise I will protect them if I let my own attacker walk free? I can’t. So here I am.”_

Rachel looks at my pensive, then says

_“Thank you. I know that you asked for none of this and once again I am sorry this happened to you. You’ve already been through so much and to take this on head first shows just how strong you are.”_

_“Strong is such an overstatement. I exist to help others achieve their goals. I settled for that a long time ago.”_

You let slip in a rare moment of vulnerability.

_“Do you really believe that is all you are here for y/n?”_

_“What other choice do I have Rachel? The hand I’ve been dealt in life, made it painfully clear I am not meant for a lot of things, but making sure others find peace and happiness is a gift I will wield.”_

 _“So you believe happiness is unattainable?”_ She counters.

_“It’s unrealistic.”_

She purses her lips, a frown forms quickly after, and then she softens again, meanwhile you take another sip of your coffee, your arm was in a sling at the moment so you couldn’t do much of anything else.

_“Impossible things happen everyday.”_

She says and you look up to a wide smile.

_“How do you stay so optimistic with the job you do?”_

_“Coffee and the knowledge that helping someone see the end of their suffering gives me hope that I am doing something right.”_

She takes a sip out of her own cup and you mildly wonder if she is day drinking but you knew better of her. Even with the limited contact.

_“Our DA and detectives will be in touch with you. They already have a lot of evidence so your testimony should seal the deal. Well after we get this pesky excessive force matter dealt with anyway.”_

Your eyes shoot up again, what was she talking about?

_“What do you mean excessive force?”_

_“He is claiming that Detective Marshall used excessive force when apprehending him. It’s bullshit… okay well maybe not complete bullshit but he deserves so much more than the beat down Walt gave him.”_

_“Why would he put himself at risk like that? He could blow the whole damn case!”_

You were mad. Mad that you were worried for him, mad for the other victims, mad for the possible idea of no justice for the bastard who did this.

_“Oh the Captain gave him the chew out of a lifetime for it, but he said it was worth it and took his tongue lashing like a champ. Internal affairs has pretty much cleared him, but the guy has a good lawyer so it’s taking a little longer than normal.”_

Situation explained makes you feel a little better but still angry that yet again Walter Marshall had jeopardized your sanity by achieving justice his own way.

_“Well as long as we put this animal away so he can’t hurt anyone else. Nobody should have to go through that.”_

You look at your hands, flashbacks floating to the front of your mind, playing with the lack of sleep and anxiety of being in the police station where Walter could show up.

_“Including you. Y/n I have to ask you something but before I ask you, I want you to know something.”_

 _“You better get me before the coffee kicks in and my brain works at top speed.”_ You quip avoiding eye contact.

“ _I am only bringing this up in the interest of being transparent because truthfully had we met under different circumstances I’d like to think we’d become friends and contrary to what you may believe about us as cops I give a damn. At the end of it all, I am a woman first. So in reading your medical record…”_

_“You read my medical record?”_

_“It was while you were unconscious, under a warrant, your medical history and record became part of the case file. It can’t be used in the trial but in terms of preparation for testifying it could have had pertinent information about what he did to you. The hospital sent me in error in your ENTIRE medical history.”_

Your whole body begins to tremble as a headache forms between your eyes. You weren’t stupid and neither was Rachel. If she had your medical history, albeit, an accident she had to know. The reason you really ran away all those years ago. You needed away from Marshall and your heartbreak, but to stick around and be reminded of the life that was stolen from you in more ways than one, it was too much. Rachel notices the entire shift in your body language, and you look like you are ready to bolt, your chest rising and falling quicker than normal, she worries you will pass out and Walter will kill her if that happens so she just spits out what she needs to get off her chest.

_“Y/n did you ever tell Walter about the Baby?”_

There it was.

The hammer and nail.

It had been such a long time since anyone, including you, mentioned your child. The life may have still been young but you’d loved it the minute the doctor let you hear its heartbeat. Your mother had stolen that from you before anyone else could know. She put her wants above everything else and literally took life from you and Walter. Rachel’s unfamiliar blunt approach was not lacking tack but you still weren’t prepared for it. So into your flashback of the day again, you don’t realize you are crying until she is standing in front of you with a box of tissues.

_“I am sorry Y/N. Maybe it’s none of my business. I just…I care. I care about you both. I read everything that happened to you. How you and Walter became connected, and while on paper it screams formality, the way he looked when they loaded you into that ambulance, the way the perp looked once he got a hold of him in that basement. The pacing outside your hospital room, he even made himself your emergency contact at the hospital. It was obvious you two were so much more than cop and cooperating witness. I think it still is…”_

You’ve heard enough.

_“No! I didn’t and why should he have cared anyway. He didn’t even come TO the hospital while I was there recovering from being pushed down the steps.”_

_“Wait pushed? The chart said you fell…”_

_“Why should I have cared to tell Marshall Walker, excuse me… Walter fucking Marshall anything? FUCK HIM! Fuck this! I knew I shouldn’t have come here!”_

You shoot to your feet, ignoring the blood rushing to your head and start shaking your head to clear it of all your emotions. Rachel is caught off guard by your movement, but doesn’t fall, only gets to her feet. You knew she was only trying to help but the can of worms she unleashed on one you kept the lid on for so long. Having anyone else know about it was a slap in the face to all the hard work you’d done to keep that wall up. Your mind is suddenly swimming in that small room again, coupled with panic, black dots start popping up, but still ever determined to leave, you grip the door handle and stumble out.

_“Wait y/n please. Come back inside.”_

_“I need to go. I am NOT going to stand around and let you use the memory of my dead child to compel me to testify!”_

_“Y/n that’s not what I was doing please…”_

Your chest is heavy as you feel the familiar prickle of tears, as trauma makes you remember every throb of pain you had currently, and the thump of you falling down those stairs. Rachel is gripping your forearm as you sway, trying to pull away but it was clearly going to be unsuccessful.

_“You don’t need to go. In fact you don’t look well. Just come have a seat, gather yourself and then…”_

_“WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?”_

A familiar voice booms and it makes you cringe. You look up with watery eyes and see Walter coming down the hall quickly, but it was at his charging pace that you found enough strength even as you were verging a blackout and mixed with confusion you yank away from Rachel and take off down the hall.

You make it to the lobby again where you trip on unevenly waxed floors, and with your arm in a sling you go down unable to make any protection. The yelp makes the officer at the desk run out to you, but this was a part of the breakdown you’d been so adamantly avoiding. He had the height and hair like your attacker so it made you scream and scurry away. Despite it being broad daylight outside, few windows made the lobby seem darker, and you feel the world closing in. Walter is not far, neither is Rachel who feels enormously guilty about her questioning now that it seemed you hadn’t dealt with it. She just wanted you to know she was on your side, not send you into a breakdown. They try to come closer but you scramble your feet, other officers are confused and clearly on alert as they have no clue what’s wrong.

_“No, just leave me alone!”_

You start shaking your head and the tears you’d been threading to spill, finally fall and you walk backwards for a second to ensure no one has time to run up on you and then you run again.

You hear a angry and loud _“What the fuck did you do?!”_ As the precinct door closes behind you.

You can’t go far in your confusion and with your head pounding. Walter once again is comically fast in catching you. He grabs you but somehow even in his strength he manages to convey he is not out to hurt you.

_“Y/n. Please don’t go, just what is wrong?”_

 _“Nothing!”_ You were shaking which worries him as you begin to sway as well. He wants to drag you back to hospital but forcing you to do anything was a bad idea right now.

_“Stop yelling, calm down and tell me exactly what is wrong…”_

_“Don’t you dare try that cop tone on me! I’m fine! I just want to go… I want to get out of here… I want to go home…”_

You say, your voice breaking down and Walter is worried because this was all signs of a mental break. Somehow you don’t fight him when he pulls you into his arms, he hates that it took you to this edge to let him touch you, but he wouldn’t let you go now if he had a say so.

_“Come little one. I’ll take you home, you are right. You don’t need to be here.”_

His voice is in that tone that you’d remembered from all those years ago. After every fight with your mother, every disappointment your father dealt you by his ignoring of you. That fact that nobody cared for you in the family other than how you best served their purpose. Walter has always been able to counteract that by taking you just as you were. You hadn’t experienced love like that. That’s what broke your heart, because it was all fake.

Even now. He just wanted you to calm down, but you didn’t have the mental fortitude at the moment to call him out on the bullshit…

Rachel knew she dug herself into a hole, because if Walter didn’t kill her the captain surely would. Now she was in a corner but she knew both sides. She was a fixer by nature wanting to fix both of you, because this was beyond both of you because she knew stubborn nature could ruin lives and that’s exactly what had done so far. She was also curious, because Walter had explained his side and judging by your records and reaction it didn’t make sense.

She didn’t mean to hurt you though…either of you.

***Back home***

Walter drives to the address in your report, not that he wouldn’t admit he’d already been to your home while you were still in the hospital. He’d done a complete check and sweep of your home to make sure that bastard hadn’t left anything to watch you before he’d taken you captive. It had been fruitless and you were a kidnapping of opportunity. Which brought him to anger again because you’d been hurt. Him finding you there had been by detective work and only because the killer had gotten sloppy and left a clue. To see you again after all of these years and in that state, it had sent him into a rage and beat the breaks off him. He kept up with you once you left, social media but didn’t follow you, just what he could see. He read any articles you published, he suffered when you posted a significant other, selfishly relieved when the pictures disappeared.

You are still sniffling in the passenger seat and when he pulls up to your home, you open the door and get out but Walter makes it to your door right next to you. You had no intention of letting him in and he knew it but he had to try. He was worried about you.

_“Y/n…”_

_“I just need some rest. Thank you for the ride home…”_

_“You know you can call me and I’ll come back.”_

He is staring at you, like he wants to say more but doesn’t know how.

You don’t press. You can’t.

He leaves disappointed.

Back at the station the other cops look at the look on Walters face as he comes back in the station. He can hear someone whisper

_“Oh shit, someone is in trouble.”_

He doesn’t care about the rumors, he finds Rachel in her office, and he slams the door to it.

_“What in the hell did you say to her? Why was she even here?”_

Rachel looks nervous but gestures to a seat.

_“Walter…I didn’t plan for that conversation going that way. I underestimated how deep her trauma is, but I never meant to hurt her or you.”_

Walter looks at her before sitting and saying

_“What did you ask her and why was she yelling about her dead child? Y/n never had children…”_

Rachel knows she’s stepped in it and the same thing that made Walter a great Detective, was her undoing. He was like a dog with a bone when it came down to it, and she wouldn’t have much of a choice so she reaches down into her desk pulling out a thick folder.

_“Legally, you have just as much of the right these files as you are investing her case. Remember that as you go through this that her entire medical record is here. Out of respect for her I won’t talk about it.”_

Confused, Walter takes the bound folder, and it doesn’t take him long to bristle at seeing his old reports and to get to her Medical record. Rachel sees the look as he gets to what she knows he needs to see. He is shaking his head trying to make sense of what he is reading and his own heart breaks.

“She didn’t say.. why didn’t she..”

“You need to talk to her Walter. You two have too many unhealed hurt that the longer it goes unsaid the less likely she will survive mentally.”

The physical part goes unspoken, but it hangs heavy in the office. It makes Walter shoot up from his chair. He needed to see you again, to talk because he was over all the double meanings, the hiding of feelings. He’d had enough of spending his life to fit what everyone else needed of him. You were more important than that. Always had been and he was kicking himself for not fighting for this sooner…

You were regretting ever coming back here, and having to deal with any of this. You run a bath, unbothered with salts and fancy smelling soaps. It was everything you could do not to climb in fully clothed but you weren’t that far gone, at least you thought you weren’t. You spy your pain pills from the hospital and contemplate how easy it would be to sink below the shallowness of the large claw tub bath. How you could drift away from all of this pain and torture that your soul seemed to attract. At least in your opinion the hurt could end, but then who were you fooling. You’d probably just end up reincarnated to a worse fate. So you go to lift your shirt over your head but a knock at your door, and a doorbell follows. It’s clearly a police knock. You don’t want to answer the door. You know exactly who it is.

_“Y/N! Y/N PLEASE COME TO THE DOOR!”_

You don’t move.

The knocks and yells continue but you hope that they stop.

_“ I won’t leave until you come open the door.”_

With a huff, you leave the bathroom and stomp down the stairs.

_“You need to leave Walter.”_ you say from the other side of the front door.

_“I already told you that’s not an option. Open the door y/n”_

The determination in his tone was one he didn’t often use with you, but it told you all you needed to know.

You unlock the door and walk away from it, knowing he would hear it and come in.

He doesn’t disappoint, boots come across the threshold, and you take the quickest route to the living room.

_“Thank you for letting me in.”_

_“You left me with no choice. Is there a reason you are here… again?”_

You hear a slam from behind you, and realize something has just hit the antique dining room table. A folder greets you as you turn around, and the hurt in Walter’s eyes tells you what it was.

_“I see Rachel wasted no time telling you.”_

_“She shouldn’t have had to. You never said anything, never even told me about the baby..”_

_“What should I have said to the one man that proved he didn’t want me? That it was never about me? YOU made it clear I was just a case, a means to an end.”_

He shakes his head.

_“You leave without one word to me. I came to find you, but you were already gone. You got on a plane halfway around the world, and left me.”_

It was only then that you realized that maybe you’d done more damage to the man than you thought. Had you been wrong?

_“ I left because I found out that the man I loved and thought he loved me had me fucking arrested with the rest of my family. That you KNEW I wanted or had nothing to do with. You used me.”_

_“It never was supposed to go that way Y/n. You weren’t supposed to be at your parent’s house that day…”_ He’d already explained all of this at the hospital, irrationally you were sick of the excuses all trying to justify deceptive behavior.

“Did that matter Marshall?! Fuck, you looked me the eyes and lied to me. Did it ever occur to YOU that I would have helped you?” You shoot his wording at the hospital back at him.

_“I wanted you out the way. Safe. You told me you were hanging around the house and that you would see me at home that day, I planned on that. I counted on that. I wanted you to have plausible deniability, in fact my superiors wanted you to testify, I said no. I gave them proof you weren’t involved, I told you they banned me from even speaking with you, from going to the hospital, literally I had guards posted outside of my hotel to keep me from leaving to get to you. They told me you fell down the stairs during the melee, not that you miscarried.”_

_“I didn’t just miscarry. But it’s old news now…”_

 _“ Don’t do that. Don’t deflect.”_ His tone was so direct that it pisses you off even with swollen eyes you manage a glare, bristling at his words, rolling your shoulders back to stand taller.

_“I am not deflecting. I am stating facts.”_

_“Your facts are fucked. Someone doesn’t have the breakdown you just did back at the precinct if it was “old news”.”_

You know he is right, and you are so tired of holding it in. Tired of having to show the world you were the strong one and by gods you need a drink, but there is nothing in the house, so you explode.

_“Fine! Maybe I am trying to cope. I lost everything, everyone all because of you. My family disowned me, in fact I got death threats about coming back here for years after the trial. You forced me to say I betrayed my entire family for protection. You know my brothers are still in jail, back to back life sentences, but my mother got sick. Cancer. I went to see her and on her damn death bed, she told me she had no daughter. That she wished I had died with my child, and if she had the chance she would push me all over again, because I’d cost her everything I was nothing to her. Can you imagine your own mother wanting you dead, even on her deathbed? You wanted the truth there it is the whole ugly, dirty thing there it is. I was pregnant with your child and I was stupid enough to trust my mother with the news, hoping she would accept my happiness and she decided that keeping me as a pawn was worth more than all my pain and suffering. Everyone just expects forgiveness from me and I am supposed to just give it. Well fuck that! I tried to…. look where it got me, my mother left hating me, my brothers are probably still cursing my name, the only family member that will talk to me is dead, and not to mention I was kidnapped, and almost killed. You wanted to know now you do.”_

You say looking emotional wrought out and it makes Walter’s stomach drop and he feels nauseous. All this time he had boxed you in as selfish and that he didn’t matter to you the way you matter to him.

_“She pushed you…she killed our child?”_

You nod, but he is on you in a second, arms around you. His arms feel so good around you again, you hated yourself for how you melted everytime he did that. You were still perplexed as how after all these years he managed to still make you feel like everything would be okay as long as you stayed in his arms. He doesn’t cry but you know he is hurting , just by how tight he holds you.

_“I should have fought for this. I should have come after you. I am so damn sorry.”_

You take in how good he still smells, how even better the larger muscles feel around you.

Damn, does it feel good.

It’s the words that make you cry again ( something you were sick of by this point as you hadn’t cried in years, now it was every other day)

_“Don’t be sorry… you didn’t ask for any of my emotional constipation to spill out on you…”_

He pulls back and you stare into blue eyes that always made you turn into a puddle. They are awash with unshed tears, but you knew he wouldn’t let them fall in front of you. He still wanted to be strong for you, he still wanted to protect you. He knew he’d done so badly at it before.

_“No. All those years ago I failed you, I let everyone come between what I knew for myself as a rookie, all for the sake of a promised career. I let you down. I replace the years of hurt and the I can’t make up for you going through the loss alone, but if you will let me I PROMISE you won’t go through this alone. In fact I have my way, you never have to face the world alone again because I will be. right there with you from here on out. All you have to say is that you will let me stay.”_

Without thinking your lips are on his and it feels like home, the way your lips slot together is an old dance, that neither has forgotten and damn does it send euphoria from your lips to the tips of your toes. You’ve made your decision like a teenager from a 90s rom-com, going by the butterflies he still gives you from this kiss. It’s almost laughable at your avoidance thus far.

You don’t know how this was going to go, but you were tired of running away. You were ready to settle, ready to stop running away your demons with a drink, trusting someone other than the children you helped at work. Walter had always been your protection even when he wasn’t Walter, but Marshall Walker, the bad boy with a deadly streak but big heart.

There was no doubt in your mind that you still loved him and that hadn’t stopped, and probably never would if it hadn’t by now.

What did you look like trying to fight it?

**You and Walter Marshall were fated.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR READING!

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: So as always I am requesting opinions! I hope this wasn’t too triggering for anyone and that you are excited for the next two part which hopefully should be up in the next few days, as they are in the editing stage. Also if you think I am missing a tag let me know please and I can add it.


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